13 August 2008

life is 2 cruel

Dear epic gorgeous crinoline of my dreams,

U r 2 cruel. It's like breaking up with your boyfriend, and then you see him on billboards and he's the new idol of everything and has a super hot girlfriend -- or worse, boyfriend, and you're just like, "Oh, I'm not doing nothing, just you know, getting fat and regretting my existence....". You see? You're practically edible. Sugar coated, purple crinoline goodness and layered and pretty and hardcore and 88 effing dollars.

Do you speak yiddish? Do you grant three wishes? For $88, I suspect you have seven dwarves at your service and a magic fairy godmother to make everything around you taste like candy rainbows and unicorns. WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN TO ME.

You are a seductress and I am your slave. But I will rebel and REFUSE to buy you. I will be so rebellious and buy your SISTER. That's right, your SISTER and do it RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU because you deserve it. Oh yes. She's the darker version of you, and cheaper. Maybe it's classless because when I'm with her, I'll be thinking of you, but know this: I refuse to give in. I am stonger then that.

But you know you want me too. Why deny it? I have everything waiting for you. I'm even half asian, if you want to be lolita about it! Squint your lace / crinoline eyes enough and you can see, I'm everything you need! Ignoring the really flinch inducing cheezyness of that last line I AM TOTALLY SERIOUS! I can be girly with you, go on cutesy dates for tea and scones in pretty blouses and then fulfill your darkest dreams with my black hardware heels and a fierce corset (or three).

Come on. You. Me. I am your perfect woman! I'll treat you right, always. The purple glittery sparkly princess in me needs you, bb. Make that $88 into a $28 and I. am. yours.

I'll be waiting....

xoxo b.