04 May 2008

get on a stretching machine and walk your friggin cat, hoskank

To whom it may concern:

Thank you for bringing it to my attention I am a pitiful 5 ft 3, perhaps 5 ft2 on bad days. I am well aware I am not model height, or size. Yes, I am well aware I am not a twig by any stretch of the imagination. I will be the first to admit I have eaten one tub of ice cream too many since I've stopped swimming for the season.

Still, I think I'm aware of my body and how to dress it. That is why I like to experiment with clothes. I know what would look good on my body, but it doesn't necessarily have to correlate with what I feel like wearing or would feel best in. Okay? If I want to wear a hideous wet look prom dress with hooker heels I damn well will, and with a matching boa and wig to boot. If I want to wear shorts and a shirt I don't need your critique if you're wearing the same thing in a different wash.

Thanks, by the way, for suggesting this gorgeous mumu for the reason it is, apparently, my size. Yes, it is so my size. Because I am so a plus size. Really. HOW DID YOU KNOW.

Great for expectant mothers.

Buy it for a friend, I will gladly ship to your gift recipient

This is precisely why I dislike shopping with other people most of the time. When I show you a group of dresses, or pants, or even a friggin' cake I expect you to point out both the good and bad in the clothes and how they would look on me, not compare me to the mannequin. I have taken into consideration my weight and my measurements when I gather possible purchases and there is no need to worry about those things for me, thanks.

I am well aware of my flaws and you pointing them out consistently just proves there's something switched off in your brain. If I had high self-esteem about my body I'd be rolling my eyes right now and ignoring you, and hell I do most of the time. But you, I expect more from you, you know? If you're close to me then I can tolerate a hell of a lot of shit to put up with but when I want a genuine, honest opinion shooting down everything and not providing actual proper critique isn't going to get me anywhere other than on my way to beat your head in.

So yeah I'm going to buy that dress you say would look like shit on me, the one you said I would need to buy a stretching machine to look like the mannequin in, and I'm going to wear it the day after I get it to meet up with you and smile. Widely.

Thanks, person! :D By the way, you're not getting jack shit from my closet ever. Cheers.