16 April 2008

beware of the rambling fashion sheep.

Fashion condemns us to many follies; the greatest is to make ourselves its slave.
Napoleon Bonaparte
Hi, my name is Belle and I am a slave to fashion. For a long while, I was oblivious. I went through a phase where I would dress only in luxurious and outrageous layers of petticoats and dresses--all floral, by the way. I would never leave the house without a bonnet. I still have the dress from when I was five, that I would refuse to eat for days because sometimes I wouldn't fit into it. If I had any chance in hell that I could fit into it today I would probably still be doing it.

Then, I went through a phase where I hated dresses. I mean, throw a dress at me and I would melt and writhe and growl and scream. This is also known as my ''emo bitch'' phase, in which middle school involved being a teacher's pet and applying eyeliner haphazardly because I thought it made my eyes look bigger. (What was I thinking?)

Looking back I realize I haven't changed much--I love dressing up, and I love dressing down. The middle ground is the boring part. But now, it's like I'm so aware of what's in and whats out that I sometimes I can't enjoy myself and what I'm wearing because I judge myself so critically. All I'm seeing is tribal prints (too bold? too frumpy?) and then floral (grandma chic or trashy ho?) and who I'm dressing up as (is that you, Kate Moss? is that you, Lou Doillon?). It gets tiring after awhile.

I'm not saying I don't love being around all of this, knowing what I know. I've come to really appreciate what people in the Industry do. There's something to be said for someone who can predict the trends and get them to print, organize photoshoots and style them and not go insane after years. Hell, I've only been obsessed for maybe a year or two and I can't even imagine what it must be like to be this crazy and get paid for it.

It's just that when I wake up in the morning, I don't want to be more aware of the trends than I am of school. Fashion and the people that deal with it have given me so much to smile about; I know it's the reason my parents are together still and the art form I am most likely to go into if any at all. Still, I'm a little scared at the thought of sacrificing my personal identity to that of what I'm told is what is in fashion right now. I don't want to care about that. I want to put on what looks and feels right on instinct, not by any persuasion.

The fact remains, though, that I am always going to be influenced by the words of others in the Fashion Industry. How could I not be? And I admit it wholeheartedly--I am a fashion pirate, after all. I don't think I'll ever be instinctively stylish like those I look up to so much; you either have it or you don't.

Maybe I do have it, but it's just buried underneath all the obsession over bullshit trends and it items. I've just got to breathe and look for it. I've got to try not to follow the crowd.

So, my mission indefinitely: embrace what I like and what I am for the right reasons-and don't put up with anything less.