scraps of poetry

Tookan impromptu break from blogging for a lil' to really get the most out of my spring break, no regrets. I like documenting things but some things should just be savored without having to carry a camera around and then worry about editing later, ya dig? I did not engage in any Spring Breakers / Harmony Korine level antics, don't get any ideas (though I advocate for girls ruining things for everybody all of the time, forever). Here are some things I've currently been obsessed with that I discovered I liked since I've been away. 

1. As a beauty blogger and brand consultant (I am now available again for phone or in-person consulting for both brands and for people to revamp their makeup collection, just a note) I consider it my job to be up to date with everything. I don't like MUFE lipstick packaging at all and their foundations have not reeled me in yet, but this lipgloss!!! Here is a swatch of it with other things during my last visit. It's so beautiful.
2. Re-reading Just Kids by Patti Smith, and also a lot of poetry in general. Actually, I'm spending more time actually reading zines and stuff about anxiety, loneliness, design, rather than internetting and I feel a lot more inspired. I do a whole lot of nothing on the internet sometimes when I could and should be creating.
3. I've always liked these Miu Miu's but now I really want 'em for summer. Would be perfect with a vintage dress or high waisted denim, you know? 
4. My lingerie-collecting hobby has gotten really serious in the past year; I just purchased this Stella Balconette Bra off of THE OUTNET for 50% off. They have plenty of sizes left, and it was only $35 which is like 1/3 of the price of every other bra I have been drooling over, so I'm happy about that. Speaking of lingerie -- I'm going to be hosting a Google Hangout with The Lingerie Lesbian this Saturday at 3pm EST. You're welcome to join!
5. Bought some Mario Badescu products off of Hautelook last sale and I am very impressed by this item in particular. I stopped using toner awhile ago and this has done a nice job as a replacement, I think it does more than toner. 
6. Right now I'm using a Graftobian palette (Neutral #1) but I want this one specifically because of the green which would be great to counteract redness.
7. You probably know I'm a big fan of OCC, and this lip tar was formulated in collaboration with one of their long time employees (and irl beautiful person) January for her gender correction surgery. 100% proceeds go to that and it's a beautiful color. Get it here.
8. Visited Jeffrey's the other weekend to play with beautiful things and I'm smitten with this perfume. I am obsessed. I carry the perfume sampler with me EVERYWHERE. I MUST HAVE IT. 
9. Flats forever. 

So! to reward you for getting through this post of wishing, and also as a #treatyoself gift, I have a $50 Amazon Giftcard to giveaway, sponsored by Appliances Online. Thank you Rebecca!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Short giveaway turnaround because I want to be able to announce the winner during the Google Hangout I'm doing on Saturday with Caro. More about that here. See ya then. x 

it's my birthday, i'll buy dior if i want to

It's my 20th birthday -- and also, the blogs 5th anniversary! It's strange that this blog has not actually changed my life, but actually gave my life direction? I don't know what person I'd be without fashion, and I wouldn't have fashion and the family I have within it if I didn't blog. It's given me so much, and I am so incredibly grateful. It gives me drive, it gives me family. I feel at home in it and discussing it and worshiping it and dreaming about it. I don't have an outfit post or anything for you today because I'm out and I don't have a tripod (or any photographer friends who can help me take photos without me spending ten minutes instructing them how to use a DSLR) but I do want to share some of my favorite things at the moment. I'll probably #treatmyself and pick one to get for my birthday, I haven't decided what.


1. Y's Yohji Yamamoto Harem Pants 2. Comme des Garcons Dress (from 2007, my fave era of CDG!) 3. Kaal e Suktae Line Detail Sparkly Skirt 4. Jil Sander Lace Up Brogue 5. Shourouk Ring 6. Valentino Sheer Trenchcoat 7. TBA Sheer Etta Dress

Birthday outfit!! 

   Birthday crown.

Snaps from my Los Angeles adventures so far. Disneyland (and dead birds) with my darling friend Lolita.

And my favorite happy music video on youtube. I'm going to bed now -- full day later on in Santa Monica, perhaps I'll see you around. To another year in blogging. Let's see where it'll bring us both. 

shopping moments

I'm not a huge holiday person (strange considering my love of sequins) and I guess I'm pretty hard to shop for. I'm putting together a wishlist of things I'm lemming for. Strangely, Bona Drag sells it all. I hadn't visited the store in awhile but they have so many good brands right now.

 Lovely Longline Bra, To Be Adored Black Sheer Etta Dress,  Lover Shelley Bodycon Dress (here in gray), Shakuhachi Lace Block Cutout Dress , Pamela Love Snake Ring

Aspirational Dressing Dreams

This is a pretty typical dream outfit of mine at the moment. I can't get that stupid jacket out of my head, and I have been obsessed with eyes since forever (Yayoi understands) and like to have an eye on me at all times so I love this bracelet. And I want a classic white shirt I can wear with everything forever. This is just the right amount of weird, you know? It could be a really boring run of the mill outfit, but there is just something a little wrong with all of it. The fuzzy textured skirt, the too shiny jacket, and black lipstick.... space age office goth.

 I think about what style is every day, and how I would define my own when asked. I'm not very good at it; I'm not really good at sticking to one look when it comes to clothes. I have two distinct halves when it comes to what I want. If I had my way, I'd wear CDG for the rest of my life exclusively, and that would lend itself to a very dark closet probably. But since I can't afford that on a regular basis (DON'T I WISH I COULD) I usually buy bright and weird pieces at the thrift store that I know nobody else can pull of. I don't have many 'classic' pieces, like, I don't have a tan trench coat (ah, but I do have a purple, a pumpkin, and a leather one!), I don't have the Perfect White Button Up, nor do I  own  the perfect pair of cigarette trousers. I do have lots of blazers (but not a plain black one) and black oxfords... with a knuckle ring for heels. You see what I mean? I don't do simple, or classic. It's not in me. I wish I could, it's just so hard to find those perfect classics at an affordable price point. Those things are my Wistful Wardrobe Dreams.

From this post. This is as close as I'll get to 'classic'. CDG/TAOXCDG/ZANABAYNE/VINTAGE.

When it comes to dream wardrobes though, that's kind of another matter. I don't care about classic in the long run, like, it's just not interesting to me. I only want clothes that makes my eyes widen and jaw drop. I've been slowly accumulating my 'dream wardrobe' at the same time that I rapidly accumulate a really bizarre eccentric All Statement Pieces wardrobe, and seeing them side by side in my closet is really funny to me; one side is pretty much all black or plaid (I'm a lesbian cliche, I fucking love plaid) and the other side is a rainbow of colors. So different! How do you approach your closet and wardrobe choices? How do you decide what to buy, whether it's a splurge or a last minute purchase? What constitutes an investment piece for you? What are your outfit goals? Do you think you'll get rid of most of your closet when you're older? Will you pass down stuff from it to your children? Will you donate it to a museum if you are rich and have lots of cool stuff like Isabella Blow? (if you are this, be my friend, I wanna see your closet and 'borrow things'.)

I think about this stuff all the time. Aspirational dressing keeps me happy. I want to live to be really old and have a closet that has lived with me and given me so much joy. I call my designer pieces my Survival Items, because I work really hard to save up for them and spend hours and days and weeks looking for the perfect item that would go well with my small collection. It has to be from a collection that means something, it has to go well with my other Survival Pieces, it has to be something I can look forward to cherishing. I mean, the things my Survival pieces have gotten me through... I put them on and I feel so much more at home in my own skin. It's a point of pride that I worked for months or whatever to buy something that means so much to me that I can bring with me everywhere, a tangible piece of love.

From this post. One of my favorites! My first CDG dress, in an homage to my dream Nozomi Ishiguru dress. 

It keeps me going, to have goals when it comes to buying pieces that I will be able to tell stories about in the future to whoever will care to listen. "I bought this dress when I was 17 with my best friend, I spent 6 months of allowance and weeks of wages to buy it and my bank thought someone stole my card because I had never spent so much, and I lived on ramen weeks afterwards, and I don't regret a thing." or, "When I got rejected from my dream school, I wore this jacket for 2 weeks straight and had crying marathons in the local movie theater while I watched Orson Welles movies and it made me feel so much better to have such a pretty sleeve to cry on." These little histories matter to me, I know they're probably boring to other people but I care about my clothes so much and I want other people to care too. I just find clothes really romantic in general. So I guess when I look at my closet, even though it's discombobulated in some ways - my dream wardrobe on one side, dark and goth and strangely, lovingly mutated, and my 'real life' wardrobe on the others (sequinned and patterned and a rainbow of color), it's all so romantic to me because it's all part of who I am, and who I want to be. All of my wardrobe identities are real and totally me, even if they're really different from one another. It's fun to see the $5 checkered blazer I bought without thinking and after a shitty day, right next to the $500 one I spent months saving up for and cried when I finally bought it. It makes me happy to remember the stories they tell, and how much I love them both.

TLDR; I really love clothing.

the undergrowth

I would be lying to you if I pretended to be perky or whatever, in reality I am in a formerly-terrible state, currently-not-good-state, but I am getting better, so I will be better soon. Mostly I spend my time working and watching Breaking Bad and sleeping, and staying up to the point of exhaustion so I'm not kept awake by my own duress. But I'm going to be fine. Some days are harder than others, you just have to fight through them and acknowledge you aren't okay and that you can't help not being okay, and acknowledge it can't last forever. Because it can't, because I've been here before, and I haven't been here for a long time, so hopefully when it's passed I won't be in it again for a long while. So I'm taking it one step at a time. This is what I'm occupying my time with. And then this. And then this. Every breath means I'm still here. So there's that.

 

Rag and Bone Black Women Ivory Wedges, Yves Saint Laurent Oxford Leather Wedge Boots, Lanvin Multicolor Glass Accent Cuff, Clover Canyon Sequin Blazer, Carven Round Shoulder Sequin Bag, Alice + Olivia Ophelia Sleeveless Lace Top Fitted Dress, Topshop Jacquard Skater Dress. Underlying image is Picasso. 

Anyway, to distract myself in the long periods of time I spend on the computer for work, avoiding most of the internet (because I am quite certain I feel so terrible because of internet things) I went fake shopping. Not for anything in particular, really, just instinctual things that make me happy, or if not exactly happy, then comforted, because they remind me of home, because they remind me of familiar things, like the overstuffed clawed Victorian chair in my bedroom my mom reupholstered to a blue fabric similar to that Topshop dress (which is very similar to the more expensive Kenzo dress I adore, but will never be able to afford). And the gaudy oversized jewelry, reminiscent of my grandmother and also my mother's tacky costume jewelry that I can't help but love. I don't believe in guilty pleasures. It's alright if it's fake if it's sincere in its own way, an honest commitment to gauche. And the sequin jacket, well, sometimes you have to force yourself to overdress to sew yourself back together, to remind yourself you don't actually have to wear the same pajamas for 4 days in a row. It's kind of sartorial, therapeutic bootcamp. And nothing says "Damn you, you are going to be okay if I have to drag you out of bed myself" than sequins. And well, I just like wedges the best out of all possible shoes. So.

I hope you are well and safe and whole, and I will feel better, so please don't worry too much about me if you have been worried. I will be o.k, I know it.

wishlist version: me but more

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 - all from farfetch

Another page for my wishlist series. Things that I've been staring at lately. Of course I can't afford a sleeve of anything of these things, but it's a good jumping off point for hunting for things. I think I do a good enough job translating my dream wardrobe into my real life, though, and what is funny about this wishlist is that it's really just more expensive versions of what I already have in my closet. Just goes to show you what you have is more than enough. Here are some blog versions of these pieces for reference, you should be able to click the photos to see the original posts:

  

This shade of green is my favorite color, though I have only one item in it. Naturally I gravitated like a moth to a flame when I saw this ODLR dress. I think people who don't know me as well wouldn't think I'd like this dress -- or anything Oscar, but I do follow his collections pretty closely and one of my biggest vintage regrets is not swiping up this plaid ODLR dress when I should have. Still haunts me. 

Not a direct translation of the CDG half-jacket, but I think it is quite similar and it is also CDG so maybe I cheated but WHATEVER OK. 

I don't have $5000+ to spend on that perfect Valentino dress, but this vintage dress is one of my favorite items of clothing and was the first ever vintage dress I really obsessed over, and it was a gift from my favorite local vintage shop when I first started blogging. Meika (one of the owners) just had a birthday the other day, I've got to drop by and wish her a happy birthday. :) 

So what are you obsessing over right now? Any splurges lately? 

neck me.

I was just packing away my accessories and makeup for the move to my dorm, and somehow it led me to stroll around YOOX for accessories. Yeah, everything leads back to online shopping, whatever. Like my wardrobe, my accessories collection is certainly colorful. More is always more! I haven't been wearing necklaces as much as I used to, or bracelets or rings, for that matter. I used to be very intense about wearing like an arm full of bangles or a dozen necklaces at a time, but now I wear one accessory, if that. Kinda bored my necklace collection to be frank. If I had the means, I'd totally grab one (preferably all though, bahaha) of these necklaces in a heartbeat. 

Are you an accessories person? I don't really think I am. Or a shoes person. I'm into jackets, they're my vice. What's yours? 

wish list version: couples outfit

I did not actually intend to make a shopping list / wish list solely based on this one dude, but I really am obsessed with his outfit and general existence and have accumulated a wishlist over the past few days of stuff I really, really want and intend to purchase in the very near future. Read: I spent my paycheck before I actually got it, going to be eating ramen for another nine months straight, OH WELL WHAT IS SAVING MONEY I DON'T KNOW WHATEVER OK

 

This Streetpeeper Dude,  Butterflysoulfire Dress, eastwest Dress, eastwest shirt, Zana Bayne Oxford Harness, CDG Ruffle Skirt, Vivienne Westwood by Melissas Anglomania Winged Sandal, Latex Ring Harness.

First stop: Dem shoes. Minute I get enough money in the bank to get them from my *secret* location, they will be MINE. hiss. Since I can't afford to buy EVERYTHING here, I'll pick and choose and then DIY the rest. Particular the blazer he's wearing. You will see that one day.... I am determined to make it if I can't buy it.