The Prada Problem

 

Tayler and I finally wrapped up the final photos for our Most Important Ugly photo project and hopped right into shooting my babe Jilly (photos of her on Tayler's blog) and also these cute bags I've gotten recently. This will be the last time we have studio space together until after the summer which is really weird! We've been shooting almost every weekend for six or seven months now and almost always around this very strict theme using this very specific process. So finally working on stuff outside rules we've set for ourselves was a strange experience. Tayler jumped right into it and built this amazing set and I was almost at a loss as to what to do with Jilly's makeup, since I'm so used to interrogating people and building a history based on their stories. To not have that story and not reference any specific look like I sometimes do (recreating McGrath for Galliano, 5ever) - it was really exciting but also really intimidating.

I think into things all of the time, half probably because I'm eternally trying to justify my interests as having value and the other half because I want to explore that value endlessly. But really, even though I love makeup and love how it connects people, sometimes you just want simple looks that look good. I didn't build on any references, I just went with colors I thought would look nice. Jilly has perfect skin and she looks good in everything so it was really easy and fun. Almost too much fun: I had to give my permission to keep it really simple. The day before (or after? time is weird) I did the exact opposite and I had to give my permission to go all out and I spent a very long time doing detail work and violent physical labor with glitter.

Hat: DIY Glasses: Givenchy Dress: Choies*Strawberry Bag: Tayler's Egg Bag: Luna from the Moon* Shoes: ASOS. Eyeshadow: Urban Decay Electric Palette* Lipstick: YSL Le Orange* Tayler's Bag: Jump from Paper*

Anyway. So I copped this Prada knockoff. Sorry Prada. I worship the ground you work on and I talk about knockoffs quite consistently! There was just no way in hell I could ever afford the real thing, Prada doesn't really do Archive sales in the style of CDG so there was no point in even waiting a million years. I settled and bought the knockoff instead -- laughing at the minor differences all the while (documented in my Prada tag on tumblr, to my own amusement and no one else's, because I have a sad sense of humor). I did buy Authentic Prada sunglasses though so like, she still is getting my money in some capacity? To assuage the guilt I feel. I was going to buy the bra that goes on top of it, but even the non-embellished version costs about $1200 and I would rather make it myself with vintage brooches and you know, pay rent and student loans and stuff. I'm sure Miuccia doesn't mind too much.

I don't even know why I am apologizing to the internet when we are all pretty complicit in knockoff corporate culture. I think it's probably because I think about class and knockoffs all the time and haven't purchased anything in months besides authentic designer and now I feel weird class shame like I've reverted.  This is the kind of shame that is set up in us and I'm not sure it's entirely a bad or good thing. It's just a thing. I'm thinking a lot about feelings about feelings lately and how you don't really need them. No feeling is final, right? And you don't need to have feelings about feelings. Once you realize this you become free in a lot of ways. Freedom doesn't make you a better person though, and I think we're supposed to want to be better people. Better over freedom? You can aspire for both, of course. But I'm not sure you can get them at once all the time, particularly in the context of consumerism. There is always guilt to fall somewhere, usually it's on the consumer. Especially the poor consumer. Bootstraps mentality and all that jazz -- if you work harder you'll get what you deserve, what you work for, rise. Of course, that's not what really happens. Luck and privilege change the game and you don't so much 'get' a job as are given one. This is where the real conversation begins. But we're still told otherwise, and told if you don't buy the Original you're the bad one when you certainly weren't the person who made the fake to begin with. You're less than. You try to work off the guilt when it shouldn't be yours to deal with in the first place. Do you know what I mean? Feel free to disagree.

Anyway. At the end of the day it's a cute fucking "fake" dress. I wore it outside today with "real" Prada.

Nobody knew the difference.

Photos by Tayler as usual.

tabi time

Illamasqua Scribe Eyeliner, Comme des Garcons Jacket (remixed) from Fall 2005, TAO CDG blouse (remixed), Undercoverism shorts (gift), Margiela Tabis.

Hi peaches. Long time no see I suppose, at least on this little internet space. I have been writing elsewhere -- Teen Vogue, Rookie, and The Style Con (twice a week right now). I also did some interviews, I've been keeping busy. We're back to working on our monstering photo series, Tayler and I, after about a month off. "Off" is an inaccurate word to describe what I've been up to though. I've never been so busy in my life! I've been at Teen Vogue freelancing M-F and then working on other projects on Saturdays. Today and tomorrow are the only days I've been home, but I've been working today too. The only downtime I've had was when Tayler came over to hang this weekend and she took these pictures. This is my dining room, I've photographed in here quite often over the years. It's really dusty and gross right now, but I think that's fitting, everything in it is old. Pirate ship looks.

So -- since last post: I bought myself a grail item of mine, Margiela Tabis. I'm considering them my 21st birthday present (yes, that happened last week!). It was also the blog's 7th year anniversary, which is absurd to me. I've wanted these shoes for probably at least half of the blog's lifetime. When I look back on my past posts, in between cringing, I can recognize myself in my inspiration even though how I interpreted things was a lot different then. Quite honestly, my inspiration boards are the same they've always been. I have just reformulated my process, trimmed the fat. I wrote about giving away a lot of my clothes for TSC actually. 

Three years ago buying these shoes would have been completely ridiculous and unfeasible to me. But a lot has changed since then. The other week, I was walking through the office on one of my last days at the magazine, staring at my feet in these shoes, in a Seditionaries tshirt (a gift from Hazel from a Rookie swap) and navy CDG skirt (bought for myself last summer), and I had this out of body experience. I was living -- am living -- the dream I first articulated on this very blog years ago. Sophomore in high school dreams being lived out as a Senior in University. I've already purchased so many of the things I've dreamed about, through my writing and other work. I'm in the process of doing so many other things right now I can't even talk about, and I'm so excited, because even a year ago I wouldn't have had the capacity to think myself capable. But now I'm the girl with the tabis I used to hyperventilate with jealousy over. A lot of it -- so much, actually -- has been because of the kindness of my friends and mentors who have believed in me and gave me a chance (and even their clothes, as you might have noticed from this post). I'm a lucky girl. 

Thanks for helping me with everything, peaches. I'm happy you're here with me too. I think I'll do you proud this year.

cdg, chanel, pat mcgrath and biba

This weekend has been super packed with makeup and brilliant babes -- my skin is crying out for pampering but I think it was totally worth it. I've been trying to be more productive lately, and so there is a few things you can read from me on the internet. I'm really proud of my Chanel SS14 Makeup Tutorial on Rookie. I also did a quick nail post for Capitol Couture (the Hunger Games Online Magazine), too.

Click for tutorial.

Those over the top makeup looks are my favorite to do -- I ended up spending the rest of that day with that makeup on and I think it looked fabulous huhuhu. I've been consciously trying to do more intricate looks, I'm treating my fashion knowledge as my makeup handbook and going through all of my favorite shows to emulate the looks so I can get better at blending and just general makeup stuff. It's a conscious and methodical effort of learning the aesthetics back and front to the point where I can reference them unconsciously later on when I'm trying to make something uniquely my own. It's how I work when I used to spend a lot of time on my outfits, and now it's how I work teaching myself makeup.

Midnight recreations of Biba Fever and Pat McGrath for Galliano. Tayler did her own makeup using the MUFE Flash Palette pretty much exclusively (honestly, it is the best makeup investment in our combined arsenal). I did my makeup using Kryolan's Aquacolor to white my face out and then powdered with MUFE, and then a bevvy of eyeshadows of my own mixing (I did a tutorial on this) and MAC's Carbon. I'm wearing Illamasqua's Kontrol on my lips because on the monitor Sasha's lips read more cool blue, but I think a deeper, more wine color would be more accurate. My drawn on eyebrows are just liquid eyeliner, I used Clarins. I've listed alternatives you can use below for the same effect. 

Tried to go to the Yayoi exhibit but the line was super long so I went to Comme des Garcons and played around in my future wardrobe instead. Give me like 6 years and they'll be in my closet. Tayler snapped this photo on the way to CDG, she ordered me into the light. It's nice having someone around who is even more obsessed with lighting than I am! I usually have to art direct everything. Anyway, I'm wearing a vintage coat, Cole Haan shoes and a dress that has been on the blog before. Here are your options if you'd like something similar:

Me in the ideal fall coat by Junya Watanabe. It's sold out on farfetch in this colorway, but is available elsewhere should you happen to have that $$$$ lying around. It's disgusting how perfect it fit and how beautifully tailored it is. I think I'm aspirationally more of a Junya girl than a mainline CDG girl most days -- I want to be the punk girl Junya creates.

I'm definitely more of  a Rei baby though. Who could look half as good in these ridiculous coats as me? Too bad they cost more than my tuition. I'll have to wait for a sample sale. Still, walking away from playing with CDG doesn't bother me because I know I'm resourceful enough to find a way to get what I want eventually. It might take realistically like ten years or whatever but it's never a question that it won't be mine. *muffled maniacal laughter in the distance*

Ok I really have homework and deadlines to attend to, but I hope you had a rad weekend too cutie pie. 

tweedledee and tweedledum for prada

This weeks shoot was like, really too heavily influenced by youtube videos we'd been watching the night before and also my obsession with Pat McGrath / Val Garland / Lisa Eldridge but I think it turned out really well. I can't avoid paying homage to my idols, it was really funny catching myself veering towards creams and colors that I had fallen asleep watching the night before. Doing Tayler's and my own makeup after this week's girlmonster was really kind of therapeutic actually, since I didn't have to worry about a story or anything like that, I could just think about my favorite makeup looks and pull from them without worrying if I'm erasing a story that is important to the portrait.

 

 

I began by referencing Lisa Eldridge's Biba tutorials, but then I remembered Grace Jones exists and so that happened too. I have to make the makeup very pigmented and stripey to work with the lighting setup we use so blurred out super blended makeup doesn't really work for the pictures right now. Another time. 

This look though, besides the Biba/Grace Jones connection, was heavily influenced by how much I've been thinking about the Guy Bourdain x NARS situation lately and the power of blush. I'm really into it. I used a mixture of OCC Creme Color Concentrates (which I L O V E), INGLOT & MAC* shadow,  MUFE Powder Blush*. MAC lipstick in Violetta. I've been using MUFE cream and powder blushes almost exclusively for the past few weeks and just found out they have a matte teal and purple so UMMMMM consider me a fan. 

I didn't have as much time to do my own makeup (this always happens) but I knew I wanted a kind of hazy mask like I remember happening at Valentino one year, and also, glitter. That lipstick is Morgana's Cryptoria, I've worn it on the blog before here. The gloss on top is INGLOT. The glitter on my eyelids is Naked Cosmetics on top of a combination of MAC and OCC eyeshadows. My gradient eyeliner is Makeup Geek Eyeliner in Poison blended into Urban Decay*, and I used a combination of  blue butter london mascara* with Collection 2000 mascara. 

Can you tell we both like Cindy Sherman? Like a lot? Sidenote: the identical body language was not on purpose AT ALL, which makes it EVEN BETTER.  Talk to you soon babies.

* denotes product that was c/o the brand as a gift or editorial consideration. I don't blog (or use) about products I don't like or use myself, these are all things I keep in my kit now. I highly recommend all products mentioned! If you ever want in depth reviews of makeup, you can always ask me on my makeup blog.

mermaid princesses and tartan queens

Pretty much every Saturday now is dedicated to artmaking with Tayler now, it's my only free day of the week really but I spend most of it working on my girlmonstering photo series. These snaps aren't part of it, they're just pictures we decided to snap at the end of our shoots today to commemorate our working together and our excellent outfits. I've had a rough past month or two and so I decided to wear Scott's dress throw myself into things I love and not look back. It's working and I'm really grateful and inspired by my friends and the work we're doing. 

Tayler and I dyed each other's hair impulsively last weekend and watched My Mad Fat Diary together as a bonding ritual before our photoshoot the next day. I let her do what she wanted with it really, we couldn't find my regular dye in stores (it was the weekend before Halloween also, so venturing into Ricky's was similar to a gauntlet in Hell) so she just used a bunch. 

What I would give to go back in time and run some dry shampoo through my hair before these photos, oh my god. Oh well, these were shot in like twenty minutes, you can't expect perfection. I put my makeup on real fast and didn't bother to wash the product off my hands from when I was doing other girl's makeup. That's all black lip tar on my hands by the way. Tayler's wearing a CDG skirt she spied at Tokio 7 when she went shopping with me (she went back and bought it cause it haunted her....I'm a good influence), you can see why we're friends. 

I think this snap was just to adjust the lighting but I like it the best, I think. Anyway, I hope you're all having a rad weekend. If you're located in or around NYC and you're queer and/or a WOC and down to be a model for our photo series just drop me an email, we're always looking for models. Here's kind of a moodboard and general idea of what we're focusing on if you want to know more. We're keeping all the photos under wraps which is so hard! We want to show them SO BADLY but I think keeping it close until it's ready and more finished is the right thing to do. I'm excited and proud of what we're doing though. I think you will be too once you see. 

on the grid

Shot these the same day as the last outfit post actually, and I've been wearing this suit in some variation ever since I grabbed it off of Choies. I've been looking for a patterned suit for months -- maybe even a year? This fits like a dream. Being petite can be incredibly annoying when most inseams are for people several inches taller than my 5 ft 2 frame, but I seemed to have lucked out this time.

Blazer: Choies Button Up: Vintage (previously seen here) Pants: Choies Shoes: Cole Haan c/o.

I'm super into the graphic lines of this suit, for some reason it reminds me of J.W Anderson though he wouldn't and hasn't done a suit of this nature before. Most people are saying I look like a new version of Beetlejuice, which I'm into so long as it's not Robin Thicke's version of Beetlejuice a la that horrible performance. I think I mostly look like a game show host. It's cool seeing this suit out of the context of my life though and just on a grid. I kind of am way more into this than I am a quick street style photo simply because you can actually tell this is editorialized.

 People have a hard time realizing my internet life (and those of other bloggers) are pretty much editorialized fictions at this point. You're seeing what we want you to see. That's ok, that's fine, I think, I think knowing you're being presented choice aspects on purpose is much better than being led to believe otherwise. The outfits I post on this blog are real, and I do wear these things, and I certainly think all these thoughts about fashion and beauty and queerness, but I'm also dealing with friendships and sadness and school and so many things I'd much rather keep close to my heart and never tell the internet. 

You can assume from a street style photo that oh yes, I'm living and loving in Da Big Apple, running from this and that to this and that. Glamour! Getting That Guap! So on. Some of that is real. Sometimes I am so lucky to go to events and things. But mostly I'm hustling to get my homework done and overthinking myself to tears on the L train from being overwhelmed from ALL the feelings, and the thought of presenting a magazine-glossy glamorized (and at this point, very standard) street style photo seems wrong to me. Also I have never been good at that? Most of my outfit posts have been me with a tripod in my neighborhood when nobody is walking around, and then me running back into my house. The quick street snap is not real, it never was. I want to explore how weird and complex and intricate I can get with myself in a way that a street style photo can't serve. I know what my clothes look like in the context of my life and work and things, I want to see them in my own imagination via weird photoshoots and stuff. So that's what's happening with Tayler. It's not a perfect interpretation and it won't ever be, but I'm ok with exploring. 

loop theory: yale and sartorial excellence

Juggling work, an internship (my dream internship, no less!), school, and a social life is a grind I am trying to perfect with some difficulty -- but I'm making it happen because I have to. A fortnight ago I teamed up with my girl Tayler on a few photo projects, one of which were these snaps of a beautiful suit sent to me by a lovely young designer -- and reader -- named Elliy, of the brand Loop Theory. These photos were a long time coming. I was actually sent this suit probably a month or so ago, but with my friend Massiel, my most faithful blog-photographer and cohort off in Japan doin her graduate school thang I have been trying to find someone I trust as much to work with for photos. I don't mind working alone, but taking photos on top of my bed with a tripod gets old way fast. So I'm excited to be working with Tayler, and to be able to finally show this really cute suit off because Elliy is a smart and kind person who has created a very beautful collection. 

I'm wearing: Loop Theory Suit c/o, Vintage necklace, Bonlook glasses c/o.  

A little about Loop Theory -- you may recognize the prints on this suit if you're into architecture, or have ever been to Yale, as they are manipulated snaps of the Ivy League campus. Here's an excerpt from Elliy's brand statement:

Yale was where Loop Theory and all the memories surrounding it were first created. This collection's surrealist designs entail both metaphysical and metaphorical reflections of an illusive Yale based in reality but perceived only through memory in the realm of mind.

This outfit is from her Pre-Fall collection and comes in a skirt version as well. It was hard deciding what to style, but I decided on a suit option instead of a dress for more outfit options. I'm interested in playing around with how these very unique prints play off other patterns in my closet, as I don't have anything quite like this. How would you style this? I'm thinking plain white button up or t-shirt would be most predictable and casual, but I'm also neither of those things.

Anyway -- truth be told I'm feeling super under the weather, but I really wanted to post these up as soon as possible. As a young designer (and reader!) I feel very, very honored and proud to be able to showcase an upstart in the industry, especially as she's a WOC and has little connections to the industry as she doesn't come from a fashion school. Breaking into fashion is SO hard but I hope and think she has a really thoughtful brand and a vision worth watching. Here's to hoping.