Dear number (n)ine:
Please send me your ideal man / inspiration board so I may turn him into my slave and raid his closet. I would go into detail about how to do so, but then I would most likely be arrested and like.... arrested. I cannot wear pretty clothes while being arrested and in jail, unless the jail uniforms in Fashionland are number (n)ine and then I would not mind AT. ALL. Also, while contemplating possible ways to break into your facilities and stealing all your clothes takes up my time, it is time I should be studying for my various AP midterms, and every minute I do not study I AM FAILING MISERABLY. So, you should send me pretty things from your collection as a consolation prize for not getting into college, being a reject asian, etc etc et all. Yes, if I fail IT IS YOUR FAULT for being the ideal Fashion Pirate in every way, shape, and form. But don't worry, i'll overlook my aspirational failure (oh now you can tell i'm a sim addict, heheh) if I can fornicate with your clothes. Mmmmmmmmm clothes sex.
Please have my children,