21 July 2011

on complexes and vibes and moods and "trends"


The internet is boring me. Since most of my days are spent on the internet in some form or another -- tweeting, watching Netflix Instant, blogging, whatever -- it's not really a surprise, but it's more about actually being tired of seeing the same things over and over again. I am tired of saccharine sweet. I am tired of being drowned in nostalgia everywhere I look.  I am, simply, tired. I want something new, fresh, angrier, more passionate, something -- anything -- than what I am seeing everywhere, all the time. Because to be honest, everyone is doing the same thing and it's boring the shit out of me. Real talk.

I hate everything in my closet right now. Everything. Nothing is simple enough, pure enough, clean enough, enough enough. Do you understand what I'm saying? I don't even know what I'm saying. I probably sound puritanical or something. Basically what I mean is that I am seeing the same vibe everywhere on the internet and where before I was inspired by it, now I feel stifled by it, like I can't escape it or even know how to escape it, and it's seriously infringing on my fashion and style boner.

Summer dressing is always dreadful for me because I am obsessed with layers, but in a way I am thankful to have to deal with the summer heat because it has forced me to look at my style differently. I don't feel like it's progressed much this year, I dunno if it's obvious to you guys since I hardly do outfit posts but I haven't been impressed by it recently because it isn't challenging enough.

I'm at this point where I don't know what I want in terms of style: simplicity? Hardly. I yawn at "effortless American chic" and ridiculously embroidered dresses and strange deconstructed works of art are still my favorite things. Do I want edgy? Ohmigod, if there is one thing I have never been it's 'edgy' or 'sexy'. I feel stupid and uncomfortable trying out those adjectives. That's the thing: it's me trying. When it comes to personal style, I never try. I don't understand when people ask me how I put outfits together. It's not rocket science, I just pick things instinctively. There is no great and complicated process. It happens in less than a minute. I remember times where I used to plan my outfits days in advance and would daydream about inspiration and it would be a thrill, but my life has changed and my processes have changed in response to that.

Maybe that is why I'm so bored right now. Everything is both homogenized and comfortable; I'm not being challenged, I'm not having to think, everything is just so and the pool of inspiration is just like a big pool of nostalgic glitter and lace and frilly over the top patterns and melted candles and cobwebs. That is fine. I get it, and I still like it -- it's just not for me anymore. It's still pretty and dreamy, but it's feeling a bit stale to me lately, you know? It's like when you listen to a song you love one too many times and it instead becomes a song you skip over on shuffle. I don't want to constantly be reminiscing about the past. The past never moves, never changed. It  isn't romantic to me anymore. It's just the past. You already know the past; it's nostalgic because you edit your memories of it to make is something you want to cherish. If we focus too much on it and model our present on it, then what have we created? Nothing. It's a copy of a copy of a copy. The total sum is zero. Nothing has been gained.

There's this thing Raf Simons said that has been lurking in my head for awhile now, I think it's pretty on point:

The future, for me, is romantic. I don’t understand people who say the past is romantic. Romantic, for me, is something you don’t know yet, something you can dream about, something unknown and mystical. That I find fascinating.

I want something else for myself right now. I'm not sure what, but I'll let you know when I've found it. Wish me luck.