21 March 2010

it's a beautiful day outside


How has your year been going so far? 2010 has been treatin me damn well. Maybe that will change soon (April 1st = when I get all my college acceptances... and inevitably, denials) but I'm pretty much in Nirvana right now.

I mean, not in totally Nirvana. I can't front: I honestly don't have too many friends! People have told me I'm scary to approach in school, and everyone I used to talk to nonstop-- we barely acknowledge each other. The ones that I do or used to consider friends, well, aren't. That's high school I suppose: in fact, it's probably going to happen for the rest of my life.

So most of the time I go to school, I do my work, and I leave and do what I really want to be doing. And thats fine with me. I used to rely on friendships to validate who I am, and that sucked. Really: I would have a super busy schedule just filled with hanging out with people but I was also the most insecure person ever. And now, well, I'm busy with fashion related shenanigans and teaching myself things and I've never been happier. I am happy in my own little world, and every connection I have is meaningful -- if scarily tenuous.


A few days ago my mom asked to see my resume. (Naturally all of it is fashion related, therefore I am freakishly unprepared for any other career, which is scary) And she looked at it and edited it for me and then handed it back to me, and said, "You're going to go into fashion, no matter what I say, just like I did with my mother."

And it was cheesy to say and I felt the deja-vu in the room and it was wonderful, and then that moment was gone and we haven't spoken about fashion ever since. But I dunno: my parents have never ever supported the blog, ever -- I would have to sneak out to go thrifting, or to showrooms, or to fashion shows, or to meet up with bloggers, everything I do related to the blog, they'd go out of their way to get me to do something else.

And now, I mean, they'll still yell at me for staying out too late because of something to do with fashion but they won't try to bar the doors either. And that... I don't know? Resignation? Acceptance? That's really awesome.


That being said, even though I'm doing a bunch of stuff right now in fashion (and you will see none of it until it is properly published and you can buy it, thank you very much) I'm not quite sure how to approach the situation. I mean, how can I make this my life for the foreseeable future? But anyway: I know I will only be happy if my life is somehow intertwined with fashion: but now that I know it, how will I survive in fashion?

I guess that's the next step. Fingers crossed. Hopefully I don't eat my own words.