the undergrowth

I would be lying to you if I pretended to be perky or whatever, in reality I am in a formerly-terrible state, currently-not-good-state, but I am getting better, so I will be better soon. Mostly I spend my time working and watching Breaking Bad and sleeping, and staying up to the point of exhaustion so I'm not kept awake by my own duress. But I'm going to be fine. Some days are harder than others, you just have to fight through them and acknowledge you aren't okay and that you can't help not being okay, and acknowledge it can't last forever. Because it can't, because I've been here before, and I haven't been here for a long time, so hopefully when it's passed I won't be in it again for a long while. So I'm taking it one step at a time. This is what I'm occupying my time with. And then this. And then this. Every breath means I'm still here. So there's that.

figures 
Anyway, to distract myself in the long periods of time I spend on the computer for work, avoiding most of the internet (because I am quite certain I feel so terrible because of internet things) I went fake shopping. Not for anything in particular, really, just instinctual things that make me happy, or if not exactly happy, then comforted, because they remind me of home, because they remind me of familiar things, like the overstuffed clawed Victorian chair in my bedroom my mom reupholstered to a blue fabric similar to that Topshop dress (which is very similar to the more expensive Kenzo dress I adore, but will never be able to afford). And the gaudy oversized jewelry, reminiscent of my grandmother and also my mother's tacky costume jewelry that I can't help but love. I don't believe in guilty pleasures. It's alright if it's fake if it's sincere in its own way, an honest commitment to gauche. And the sequin jacket, well, sometimes you have to force yourself to overdress to sew yourself back together, to remind yourself you don't actually have to wear the same pajamas for 4 days in a row. It's kind of sartorial, therapeutic bootcamp. And nothing says "Damn you, you are going to be okay if I have to drag you out of bed myself" than sequins. And well, I just like wedges the best out of all possible shoes. So.

I hope you are well and safe and whole, and I will feel better, so please don't worry too much about me if you have been worried. I will be o.k, I know it.

Stairway to Massiel (Not Heaven because We Don't Have All Day. Also, Athiesm)

Remember my really weird blog titles I used to do that were all inside jokes nobody from the internet understood but my friends irl did? Yeah. Anyway. My friend Massiel (a recurring visitor to this blog in photographs, if you have been around long enough) came over to my dorm to hang out and take photos with me, in fact she's on her way to my house to take more today and be my makeup mannequin for Rookie. Here are some photos we took yesterday:

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Shoes: H&M, Vintage, Vivienne Westwood. Bag: Rebecca Minkoff c/o  Jewelry: Cities in Dust from Emerging Thoughts. Clothes by Dusen Dusen.

In case you were wondering -- this is a collaboration between Emerging Thoughts & I. This is my second season as the Dusen Dusen girl. Really into the wave skirt and shirts in particular, and the sweater is SO comfy. You should be able to buy all of these pieces, including the jewelry, starting this week from Lauren's store.



Rookie Prom

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Marie, Leeann and I. ROOKIE STAFF JAMS. I'm wearing an Opening Ceremony dress (previously worn on the blog here) and a RM bag c/o.

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Nicolette, my #lesbichic blogbff, and Jenna Sauers, The Best Person Jezebel Has On It's Staff Period.

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ROOKIE STAFF PHOTO BOOMMMBBBB

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Lightspeed Champion/Blood Orange and Alexa at the photobooth. Was too obsessed to say hi. 


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Elizabeth, Amy Rose & her friend and Marie. 


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Petra & Avery being FUCKING ADORABLE UGH 


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Anaheed, Laia, Ira and Amy Rose being the literal manifestation of adorable happiness. 


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ROOKIE BABIES. Not every Rookie staff of course, not even everyone at the party! -- but lots of us. It was so, so fun, and I am unspeakably, wondrously lucky to love & know every single one of these MEGA BABES. I am so proud of my baby gurl Tavi and every single staffer and it was a privilege to experience this week. 

All of these photos are Alyssa Laurel Photography. 

Rookie Rush Week

I still have a few shows to put up from NYFW but I wanted to share these pictures first.


One of my outfits, this is from Saturday when I was hanging out with Petra and Avery and Sandy at the Met after the Rachel Antonoff show (pics soon). Rodarte for Opening Ceremony Dress, Zana Bayne Harness, Rebecca Minkoff Perf Beau Clutch (c/o), Vivienne Westwood x Anglomania Winged Sandals

Image from Gothamist.
Yes, I do recycle outfits! Only difference is I'm wearing some H&M shoes I purchased during FNO the night before for $20 bones because my new & beautiful Nanette Lepore shoes were killing me. You'll see those in a future post. I carried around 2 bags to all the shows. Rebecca Minkoff Mini Mac for my camera, Rebecca Minkoff Lizard Flirty for my phone etc. Wearing Illamasqua Apocalips on my lips. 

And some photos  from Rookie events, like the book signing & reading & the Prom:


Photo by Natalie.

I'll put the photos from the Ace Party / Prom in a different post. See ya. xxxooxoxoxox

Eckhaus Latta SS2013




Little obsessed with the models in the back.



THEY ARE. SO. CUTE.







Really into the Echaus Latta presentation too, it was more of a performance piece than models staring into space, though I couldn't capture that aspect. I wanna see this stuff up close at a showroom and see it better -- last season Eckhaus Latta used plastic to make this kind of shearling coat I saw at Opening Ceremony and it was really cool, I bet they did the same thing, or something similar, with some of these seemingly simplistic garments. 

Kimberly Ovitz SS2013

My fashion week this season is really low key -- more concerned with seeing friends and Rookie things* than I am with anything else. But the shows that I have been attending have been wonderful and I am happy to share my experience with you as much as I can. The first show I went to was Kimberly Ovitz -- I love her #lesbianchic (was that snarky cc: style.com? I'm mostly amused) situation, there were some looks I'd love to wear head to toe. It reminded me a lot of my friend Kristin actually, very sexy cool. I am just so INSPIRING with my fashion reviews, hmmm? Regardless of my ineptitude at describing the show verbally, here are some photos. It felt like a really sacred show, minimal music, barefoot, slow walking models. It felt just really fucking cool.

As always, click the photos for better viewing experience






^ This was my favorite look AND my favorite model. 


I've seen that rope knitwear idea in every show and presentation I've seen thus far. Trendspotting. 

Anyway, now I'm going to go to bed early and snuggle with my new Rookie Yearbook! Speaking of which, I'm going to be reading @ the Rookie Yearbook celebration Sunday, if you're in NYC you should come. The deets are on Rookie and the Rookie tumblr. ♥