rest and you rest

I don't consider myself a particularly romantic person. I don't like to obsess over my past and how it was better than what I'm stuck in now. I think nostalgia can be a weakness sometimes. If you dwell on the past you aren't fully living in the present, you know? I've talked about this before I think, it's a recurring theme here whenever I get 'serious'. I've often been accused of being stuck in my own head too much, thinking about the future. The future is romantic to me, not the past. I've been restless lately, mostly because since I'm not at school I don't have a set schedule so I mostly sit around, play with makeup, read, watch movies (I'm doing a 365 film challenge right now), shop. Shopping and makeup has kind of consumed the part of my life normally reserved for fashion blogging, maybe 'cause it's so simple in comparison. I'm almost tired of it though. It can get exhausting wanting things so consistently, so frequently, all of the time, something new, something else. You shouldn't invest too much in material things but I do it. I don't know. It's an obsessive habit. I'm an obsessive person. I didn't get to (almost) 4 years of internet narcissism by being anything less than obsessive.


2011 was a good year for me. 2010 I had a shit college experience and bad luck in general, 2011 I found people I love and relate to, I now live in a safe space, surrounded by people I love and care for, and I had the opportunity to be part of some really cool things. 2012 looks to be a little scarier, because I'm finally growing up, dealing with real people problems, planning some big trips where I'll be by myself most of the time -- Taipei, LA, maybe London -- and it's scary but exciting. I can't stay a kid forever. I sometimes miss the naivete of being a child and not getting into arguments about racism or politics or whatever, but really, I don't regret growing up at all. The world is changing and so am I. I don't know into what, and I won't ever be done changing, but it's happening. I'm a little softer than I once was to people, because I realize they will not put up with my shit (nor should they). I cry more during movies. I cry less over people. I get things done faster, because I know two hours of hard work beats 3 days of 10 minute half assed work. I write more and do more and am understanding it's okay to be by myself all the time but I have friends that care about me and I need to treat them with as much love as they deserve and stop being a lazy fucker. There's this saying, "rest and you rust."


 I've rested long enough. 

10 comments:

Born for Joy said...

A very touching post. When I feel like I'm in a rut of wanting but never using, buying but not investing, having but not enjoying I find it's a relief to be on my own, away from outside influences. This is a bit that I really feel I can relate to; 'I'm a little softer than I once was to people, because I realize they will not put up with my shit (nor should they). I cry more during movies. I cry less over people.' For me, when I'd get angry at others and treat them like shit, I feel like it was because my own identity and worth had become too connected with theirs, to the point where their power over me would make upset me and make me cry. Anyway, I think I'm ranting! I hope that you feel much better soon. And if/when you come to London, I'll be here to show you around the shops if you like. :)

Andie Bottrell said...

Indeed and well said. All the best in the year ahead!

bobb said...

A very thoughtful and interesting post here:).

christina said...

thank you for this beautiful and kind of (very much) inspiring post.

MONSIEUR MAIKI said...

a powerfull post!

MONSIEUR MAIKI said...

a powerfull post!

diane said...

woa, watch out, Arabelle's back in the saddle!! Yea for us, your lucky readers. Your blog was one of my first to read, and the one that draws me back to local (american) fashion.

Magnet said...

Ah, I can relate to the obsessive buying, constantly buying... kind of worrying when you realise how constant it is. I'm glad 2011 was a better year for you, '11 was the shit one for me, hopefully 2012 will be a lot better. Your make up really does look amazing, so, all the purchasing may have been worth it. :) Happy New Year and all the best for the year ahead of us.

One more thing, I also find the future far more 'romantic'... more intriguing, always have, always will.

Jull GG said...

you're coooool. #LAD

Kailey said...

"I think nostalgia can be a weakness sometimes"

I definitely agree with this statement! It's really refreshing when so many times I have come across people who stress the fact they think they were "born in the wrong era". It's upsetting to me that people have such a romanticized view of the past when it was really awful for multiple groups of people.

Your description of 2011 sounds wonderful, I am so glad you were able to surround yourself with people who value you.

Here's hoping 2012 has even more amazing things in store for you! (And also sorry for spamming you with questions on Twitter and Tumblr! YOUR JUST REALLY COOL OKAY)