there is no magic word for how i feel

Thrifted Shirt, Vintage Leather Shorts, c/o Rebecca Minkoff Bag, c/o Steve Madden Silver Oxfords, Zana Bayne Harness. It looks like I have a weird rash on my leg but IT'S THE PHOTO FILTER I SWEAR OK

 I was initially reluctant to talk about it (uhm, my being queer) on FP.... it's not that I was ever in the closet, or hiding it from the internet, but FP is a personal style blog and most of my random talking falls into my tumblr. But I have been getting dozens of tumblr asks and emails talking about femme invisibility lately and lesbian self doubt, being uncomfortable with labels, et all and I guess the short of it all is that I've been there too, and I am still there. Being un-straight is hard. For anyone who doesn't identify as strictly heterosexual, we constantly deal with labels, with coming out, with finding others like us, with presentation, with whatever. It is kind of like falling over yourself in the dark, over and over again. Everyone deals with wondering who they like, I guess, but for a lot of queer kids it's not just wondering who they like, but how to translate your feelings about people into a word. Just like, a single word.

Straight kids won't ever have to do that, because their sexuality is normal, represented everywhere, all the time. That is their privilege. They are lucky to have that. Good for them.

Privilege is not something to be ashamed of, and I don't hate straight people, or anyone with privilege.....not on the basis of them having privilege, anyway. It is just imperative that those with privilege acknowledge it. That, of course, is the funny thing about privilege: it's privilege because you don't notice it. It's just there. You don't wonder about it. You don't question it. You dismiss it as the way the world works. Queer kids will never have straight privilege, not in this system, not in this society, not how it is right now, but I mean, it's getting better. But we're still operating under a system where there is one normal, and everyone else is just that: someone else. The other. Queer kids fall into that category.

Now I don't mind being the 'other', and that is perhaps because I don't "look" gay. I don't "look" gay enough to get bullied, I am too femme for people to be like, "look at that dyke," or for people to come up to me and say they've always wanted a gay best friend, or any of that stuff. In fact, lots of people don't realize I'm queer at all. That, you could say, is it's own form of privilege.

I didn't realize there was a word that fit me for a long, long, time. And sometimes there are days that I feel alienated all over again, and I sit lost in thought shuffling through the words that are available: queer, fairy, lesbian, gay, homo, dyke, fag, etc trying to find something that has a ring of meaning to me in it and I can't find anything and I just give up. I do! And I think that is ok. It's scary and weird sometimes, not having a magic word that encompasses who I like, how much I like them, how I like them, and all that stuff the word "heterosexual" or "homosexual" entails, but that doesn't mean it's bad. It's different.

 I think we fear that if there isn't a word to describe us, that it means we don't exist or that something is wrong with us as functioning human beings. But there isn't anything wrong with us, it's the system that is fucked. We're changing it though, by talking about it, by acknowledging that it's fucked, that is has to be better, because we have got so much to lose and so much more to gain.

There are so many more things I'd like to talk to you about, and I will, but for now I just wanted to get this out first. I was at my college QSA meeting the other night and we all discussed this exact topic and I wanted to write down my thoughts, so that people who weren't there but want to talk about these things know they are being talked about, and we can talk about it together if you want. This is so, so long, sorry!!!! Anyway. Thank you, love you, bye.

Aminimal


Video from the Closestista website.


I'm really into the methodology behind Aminimal's rings and jewelry, it's super nerdy slash awesome, I'm kind of bummed I can't find their sterling silver rings anywhere on the internet, I want one! I'm not much of a ring person, or for that matter, a jewelry person.... I wear a watch and that is about it. But I like the organic meets technological feel their jewelry has. I'm not good at describing things, so I pulled their bio:

One of Aminimal’s signature materials is nylon that is printed into shapes using a SLS 3D printer. The production may be minimal, even industrial, but the end result is hardly sterile. Each piece is first created using a computer program that Briscella and Blum experiment with and manipulate before reaching the final incarnation of the design.


Pumpkin Ring



Who's your favorite jewelry designer? Do you go for $$$ or cheap tricks? I lose rings a lot, and am very picky, but they have nylon rings (??!) and they're like $25 and they're really cool so I might buy one. 

Mistress Wednesday



Coach Poppy Bag, Vintage Dress c/o Another Mans Treasure, Vivienne Westwood x Melissa Anglomania Shoes

Fall is here!!! We're still in the transition stages so I can't layer properly yet, but I'm very happy with being able to wear sleeved things and dark lacy things without sweating to death now. This is just what I wore Monday, but obviously since my influence was Wednesday Addams (as it always is, I mean really), I decided to show you all today. For those who asked, this is actually a room in my dorm. No one is ever in it when I'm in it, so I get to sit down and draw and do whatever and write on the walls if I so desire. My happy place. There are other rooms around the building that are like this, but this is the best one, I think. 

Been swamped with work, can't say I mind though. One day at a time, right? So tired, so much homework. And I've been thinking about sexuality like, 24/7 for the past few weeks, it's a really frustrating topic and I can't really escape it, particularly since I'm queer and femme and in order to find my place in my college I have to constantly come out and it's not always the experience I expect or want it to be. Oh well, more on that later. How are your classes going? 



concept korea


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The Concept Korea presentation at Fashion Week was probably one of the last things I went to (I can't exactly remember, my memory is fuzzy from the busy schedule and the perpetual hangover I had, WOOPS) but it was also my favorite, at least concerning an introduction to new and inspiring designers. Granted, all of the designers who presented at CK were not exactly new -- they'd been designing for several years, if not decades, but they were new to me, which counts.

First up is Son Jung Wan, whose presentation was based upon 90's relaxed silhouettes with a dash of 50's glamour. I loved the blue she used in her collection, that rich, vibrant blue is one of my favorite colors and I think it adds a lot to the collection overall, which is primarily pastel in a variety of soft, airy fabrics. Not my favorite collection of the night, but still a good one.

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Next up is Doho, which felt like a very faerie collection to me, something that a Fae would wear while she danced around in the clouds and plotted how to keep Sookie in their grasps forever (also, fuck this season of True Blood.). I loved the hair, I loved the fact there was a lot of intense textures going on but it never felt heavy, but I would probably not wear any of it. I'd like to see some of the pieces incorporated into different looks, to see how they translate into different styles.

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The next group was, I think, Steve J & Yoni P.... I can't really be sure who designed it, woops. I can't find the name on the presentation stand and the collections aren't on the website, so I'm just making an educated guess: it's a more laid back collection with 'hippie' urban influences, etc. My favorite outfit was the suit, I would wear it to death because I'm a firm believer that more is more. Overall it felt a bit discombobulated.

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My favorite collection overall was hands down Lie Sang Bong though, I have his resume/lookbook/thing on my nightstand because I keep flipping through it. There is nothing I didn't like about this collection, nothing that I wouldn't want to wear. Architectural, vibrant, shamelessly intricate and modern but not cold. So, so good.

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I'm a big fan of the hair and makeup, too, I wrote about it on PD already. EVERYTHING ABOUT IT IS AWESOME.

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Sang Bong has done a lot of really impressive, super rad collaborations (Blythe Dolls! LG phones!) and I'm really looking forward to seeing his next collections, and this one in photoshoots. Gotta happen, it's too good to just disappear.

street style from fashion week

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I was sitting on the steps at LC in between shows, kinda bored by the street style but then I whipped my head around for no reason at all and BOOM, Pamela Reed in cat tights and dreamy shoes! I zoomed in on her as a kindred spirit and creepily asked to take her photos, and then someone started taking photos of me taking her picture, and it was all very strange but I'm very happy I took her picture because it was nice to see someone who I could relate to style wise at the tents. I mean, I've been eyeing those tights by Celeste Stein for a million years, and I'm super into her Y-3 shoes. Pamela was super sweet and we share a deep love for cats, as you can tell. . :) Yay nice people. 

meagan n me

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photo by Ria

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photo by Meagan

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photo by Ria

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photo by me

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photo by me

You know you are friends for a reason when you bump into each other wearing sister outfits. WE SHARE BRAIN WAVES.

Streetstyle: Day One

I don't actually read many street style blogs anymore, if any at all. But I wanted to document the inspiring people I've bumped into at Fashion Week this season -- besides my friends, of course, who are always inspiring and will have their own posts of their own in the future! Here are some cool people who were kind enough to let me take their photos.

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Outside United Bamboo. I was stalking her mostly because I couldn't believe she could wear a SWEATER in the heat, and also because it's awesome. Didn't catch her clothing credits, oh well. 
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Ugh, slightly out of focus but whatever, she was really shy (and adorable!) and I didn't want to bother her for too long; this was right after United Bamboo. Obviously since she was wearing a Comme des Garcons blouse I HAD to take her picture. Super sweet. 

day one

Day one for me, anyway. I have hundreds of pictures to show you, but right now I'm already running late. After a breakfast at Lucky Magazine for the Style Collective me and a friend went to Bryant Park for quick outfit snaps. GAHHHHHHHH I'M LATE AHHHHHH

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I wanted to wear something more complicated, but I knew I'd sweat my uterus out of my body if I did so I opted for a more simple look, pretty much the epitome of what I'm into right now: white, red, black, tulle and leather and frayed edges. Calvin Klein black dress with a white vintage skirt on top, Zana Bayne harness and Vivienne Westwood x Melissa Shoes.

OKAY I'M REALLY LATE BYE GUYS

meanwhile....

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Everyone is off at fashion week (including me, this is a scheduled post), but right now I'm totally happy going to class and chilling in my dorm for the time being. I will indeed be attending shows and reporting both reviews and backstage things and attending blogger brunches and photoshoots and whatever, but right now I'm happy being a normal kid. Fashion can wait until the weekend. The balance between being a student and being a "professional blogger" aka "making money off my blog and the opportunities I have gotten from blogging" ("pointless quotations") is often a very precarious one, it always involves sacrifices -- some that I am not entirely willing to make, and my parents are reluctant to support me when I do.

Real talk time: My parents never really liked that I blog. They've gotten used to it -- I mean, it's almost been four years now --  but they aren't the type to let me jet off to Paris for shows even when the opportunity arises. They both worked in fashion for decades before I was born, and they are quite jaded from it and would rather me not be in it, but I never really asked them for their support concerning it anyway. I have a lot of resentment towards them for not letting me do things when I could have, but I'm also grateful they didn't enable me to do stupid shit I probably would have regretted (movies, documentaries, tv series, weird book deals... believe me, I've been offered to do a lot of crap. I could have Snookie on speed dial by now.). I am thankful they would rather keep out of my business than have them become my personal managers, because having to deal with partnerships, and design, and collaborations, and writing prospects all by myself makes me feel like I have control over my identity. It's all me, you know? Not everyone can say that. And my parents, even if they don't exactly like the fact so much of myself is on the internet, they've learned to deal with it because I would still do it even if they forbade me, because I do what I want and that's how I've always been. I follow their lead because I respect them, but when it comes down to it, I go my own way if I believe in the cause.

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I've been thinking about how my life has changed since the first time I ever went to fashion week, when I was like, 15 or so, and I'm thankful that I've grown a lot.  Not just as a blogger but as a student and just as a person. I'm thankful people have stuck around and supported me through the changes this blog has gone through. I just wanted to say that before I go off being busy as hell. By the time you see this I'll already be at the shows, but whatevz. I hope you're enjoying my tweets from the tents.

X

army of goth

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I've been wanting a harness -- or seven -- from my girl Zana for awhile, but we all know how decisive I am about purchases. I am the opposite of an impulse shopper, really. I've been debating which harnesses to buy for like, a year, and I finally decided to spring for the Oxford Harness because it's been calling my name ever since I first laid eyes on it. Zana surprised me by including a RED one, I almost cried when I opened my package! Guess she knew I'm having a red moment. Either way, I'm so surprised and so so thankful for her generosity.  And they came just in time to make it's debut at the shows tomorrow.

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No outfit post with these right now, I'm off to finish wrapping up FW plans. You'll definitely see outfits with these harnesses in the VERY NEAR FUTURE though, pinky promise.

x

everything is alright

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Sneak peek of my dorm. It's small but colorful and I love it so much, this year has already been better than the last semester. Safe spaces and good people = the most important things ever.

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Last night I got bored watching POTC(5? Idk. The newest one with the basic ass mermaid love story and Penelope Cruz.)  so did my nails. I'm not very good at nail art, so I'm actually quite proud of this feeble attempt.

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Went back home for an optometrist appointment for a day and found this in my bedroom from Rebecca Minkoff! THE BEST EVER. It will go with everything I wear for fashion week, I'm super excited. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

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My college closet. This is as concise as it's ever going to be, and I think a good description of my style. What is a basic? What is neutral? I HAVE NO IDEA.

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No outfit post, but a face post....should....suffice idk man.

Anyway I have to go shower and cry over the presidential candidates being horrible people. See you. x