i guarantee a flower



Title:
 Törst

Magazine: Rodeo Spring 2011

Model: Jenny Sinkaberg

Photographer: Julia Hetta

Stylist: Tekla Knaust (New Blood)












I am really just in love with this editorial. I am usually so inclined to over the top things and clashing and unconventional objects but something about this just really struck me, guess it's the hectic and stressful situations I've been thrown in in the past year. I would never be able to wear any of these things -- not enough color! -- but nonetheless, it's just so beautiful. And fresh, and calm, and clean. It reminds me of rebirth. You go through these phases of yourself and hopefully emerge a better person. This reminds me of that feeling.

 Everything about it is perfect. P e r f e c t. I want big blown up photos of these to put in a big blank room with a huge window and a big fluffy bed. It would be so prefect. 

i am coming for you



Lately I've been missing Taiwan a lot. It's not that I have a deep connection to where I was born, I am not even  fluent in Mandarin anymore and only really learned it in High School. I have progressively gotten worse at speaking and reading and writing it since I stopped taking classes. My mom visits Taiwan quite often but we don't use Mandarin in the house unless we're yelling at each other (I am most fluent at insults in Chinese, which is not surprising in the least). I miss Taiwan though, mostly 'cause of the collection of weird and obscure Chinese Dynasty treasures we have in our apartment in Taiwan. My parents and I have always been really into antiques and my house, not surprisingly, is strangely similar to what people imagine a pirate ship to look like. 

Why am I rambling on about any of this? Mostly because this Rodarte collection really reminds me of the China and pottery vases we have back in Taiwan  and have hidden away downstairs which I would play with and damage without care as an elementary schooler. I've been watching a lot of horror movies and sci-fi movies lately and it's been melting into my brain along with this Rodarte collection, which wasn't my favorite but nevertheless is beautiful on it's own. Truth be told, I haven't been paying much attention to runway shows and have concentrated more on makeup and personal style magazines than anything else, but I've been thinking about the progress of Rodarte for awhile and am really eager to see their next collection because they're definitely changing rapidly and I'm curious as to where they'll be next season. One day I'd like to own something from their earliest collections, this dress is definitely a dream of mine.

 Trolling through farfetch out of boredom and habit is fun, if a bit masochistic when I add things to my shopping cart or discover new designers that I can't find anywhere else. Have you got anything in your bookmarks from farfetch you've been staring at for ages? I wanna stare at clothes. 

cell phone diary

I don't have a lot of pictures on my phone. Blackberry cameras are beyond shitty I only use it for email and twitter anyway. I mean, that's what I use it for besides getting phone calls and ignoring them. (It's nothing personal, I am just a hermit.) But here are some photos of the past year or so, outfits that were never properly documented, things like that.


Pretty sure this is from a photoshoot last summer where I was assisting a friend. Obsessed with the rings. I used to wear rings a lot more, now I'm more of a bag person. Also I lose rings all the time so why bother??


Oh man I don't think I ever properly documented this hairstyle, I had X-MEN quality hair for about a month before I felt too basic and went back to purple. It only really looked good styled up like this and even then, with my glasses (I hadn't gotten my new/vintage frames yet) it didn't match up to me. Still nice. Ignore the dress, it was for a photoshoot I was modeling for. Face shot. 


Went on a macaron binge for awhile. It was very expensive and I ultimately prefer brownies to macarons. However, eating them in the bath with candles while watching romantic comedies is a pretty sweet deal. 


I'm pretty sure I never documented this outfit because I looked creeper as hell in it. It was a yellow vintage sweater, red plaid skirt, and this scarf hood thing. I do miss that vibrancy in my hair. I'm too poor to afford that hair dye though lol. It bled everywhere so I guess it's for the best. 




From my OUTNET shoot awhile back! Best hair day OF MY LIFE. I purchased a culring iron so I could mimic it. But I fail miserably each time I try sooooo my hair will just have to remember this day fondly. It's the same dress I'm wearing in the picture above btw. $20 at Housing Works? 


If you are wondering (STILL) what kind of hair dye I use it's Adore. Special Effects is more blue based and I think is morre vibrant and lasts longer but Adore is way cheaper and more easily accessible. 


Some of my favorite pieces in one look. Felt very British Invasion. 


One of my favorite if not my favorite hairstyle besides when someone curls it for me. My hair is a teeeny bit too layered for it to pin perfectly but nonetheless, awesome.


The yellow vintage dress a few pictures up is also this one. I haven't taken a proper outfit photo in it yet but I will before it gets too hot out. 


i have no idea what to title this so just go get a doughnut and forget about it

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Just some things I've been appreciating this week. I would do a full outfit post but I have mostly been in the bathtub being sad all weekend so putting shoes on and painting my nails is as far as I've gotten to getting dressed. I can't wait for summer. I will probably regret wanting summer when I'm sweating my ovaries off pounding pavement in New York but it's ok. Then I can be excited for fall dressing!

Shoes: Gift from Wanted, Bag: Gift from Modcloth. The shoes came in like less than 24 hours, mad impressed. I've never owned yellow shoes before and I'm not usually a fan of this kind of shoe but it felt right to me. 

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I haven't read zines -- or purchased them -- in awhile, let alone made any, so I think I'll probably reread my favorites this week. I just started journalling again the other night in my sleep in a last ditch effort to be okay and it was really cathartic. You don't realize how much you miss something sometimes until you start doing it again I guess.





Some playlists I've been digging lately, which are definitely suited for today. Take a listen and I'll see you in hell???????? Hahahahahahaaaaaa.

the master and the doctor

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Jacket: Vintage from Another Mans Treasure, Dress: Goodwill, Necklace: Vintage, Tights and Bag: Courtesy of Modcloth

WOW FINALLY BLOGSPOT IS BACK UP!! Jesus. Anyway, I hate children, I was taking outfit photos in my backyard and the schoolkids next door thought it'd be considerate to crowd around the windows and watch me take photos. Mad awkz. Anyway, I've been on a Torchwood and Doctor Who marathon and moving as little as possible so taking these photos was the most exercise/sunlight I've gotten in awhile hahaha. Summer break is wonderful. 

Anyway, I'm off to the Met. See you later. 

things that are very important to me

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more pictures: here. here. here. Click on the pictures to see them properly. 

I got myself some Comme des Garcons. ♥___♥~~~ If you didn't know, there is a sample sale going on at the Croatian Church on 41st and 11th and  CDG is up to 70% off: all past collections. It was a madhouse! I had some ridic touble buying this dress but I did it and I'm so so so happy with it I could cry. Legit, one of the top three most important things in my life??

Twitter said I should do a haul video so here it is, if you don't subscribe to my youtube channel. It might still be processing by the time this post is put, but oh well.



I am also wearing a Junko Koshino Jacket. Koshino was one of the first Asian designers to ever leave Japan and find commercial success elsewhere, she showed in Paris before Kawakubo and Yohji did I think? They were the first wave of otherness to freshen up the Paris runways. I am very fond of this jacket, if you've been a long time reader you might recall seeing the skirt that accompanies this jacket. I don't wear it very often.

It's weird because I'm really stingy IRL, like, most of my outfits don't cost more than $10, I shop exclusively at vintage and thrift stores, but when it comes to CDG and designers I really love I'll fork over $$$ and not bat an eyelash. It's worth it to me, it is an investment, I cherish my favorite items of clothing like people would cherish their chlidren. When I am sad I put on my favorite thing and it makes me feel better. I don't regret buying this at all, I only regret not having more money to spend on more! This splurge was a long time coming. What's the most memorable thing you've splurged on? Do you regret it?

the pursuit


 I cannot understand the desire to be normal. Normal is the starting point. You go through things to make you who you are. Different. Something else. Normal means you did everything as expected, you didn’t take any chances, you did what was expected of you in the situation, you didn’t do something away from average, you shed away from the spectacular, the scary, the weird, the awesome, the frightening. why would you do that? why would you want to be average? Average is to conform. I mean literally, the definition of normal is conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? WHAT IS THE ALLURE OF BEING TYPICAL? I am terrified of the typical. I am in a constant race with myself to become different from what I once was, I go through stages of myself, I metamorphose into different caricatures of myself constantly to make sure i am never quite the same as i was before. If i change at least it means i have done something. Sometimes this fear of sameness paralyzes me and I sit in my bathtub with the water too hot and the lights turned off and pretend I am lava and I am melting everything away because then I am nature and I am an unstoppable change and everything is better and I can breathe. 




I relish the thrill of being afraid of my own self, like when I put on an outfit that I know is really strange and I know people will look at me funny or that time I chopped all my hair off and dyed it a thousand colors and everyone looked at me like I was too scary and stopped talking to me. I liked it because it meant I had become the idea of me that I had In my head. I don’t know if i can really explain, but, you know, when you look into the mirror and you see someone and it doesn’t match up to who you are really in your head? My life is a pursuit to figure out who that person in my head is, really. When I was little I think in my head I wanted to be like megan fox, only megan fox didn’t exist yet to me. but I wanted to be normal. And the fact that I didnt look like me, that in reality, in the mirror I was just a skinny as fuck chinese girl with a square face and bad acne... that fact felt unfair to me so I decided if I couldn’t become perfect then I would rebel against it and wreak revenge upon the mirror and the fact it betrayed me and thats what I did. I guess I escaped the mirror and I am glad I did but now i feel sad because i cannot relate to people who still want to be normal.
Normal is losing to me. I don’t want people to understand me, I think, because that means we are the same, and that means I am normal when i’d like not to be. 


Purity Ring- Lofticries from David Dean Burkhart on Vimeo.

I am in a really contemplative mood right now, just cleansing myself of the fear and negativity and resentment I've built up at school over the year. I think I'm ready for the summer and a big change -- I wonder what? -- and just having time to think and relax and stuff. Anyway, I hope everything is going well with you, and that you are happy. I'll talk to you soon.