13 August 2008

life is 2 cruel


Dear epic gorgeous crinoline of my dreams,

U r 2 cruel. It's like breaking up with your boyfriend, and then you see him on billboards and he's the new idol of everything and has a super hot girlfriend -- or worse, boyfriend, and you're just like, "Oh, I'm not doing nothing, just you know, getting fat and regretting my existence....". You see? You're practically edible. Sugar coated, purple crinoline goodness and layered and pretty and hardcore and 88 effing dollars.

Do you speak yiddish? Do you grant three wishes? For $88, I suspect you have seven dwarves at your service and a magic fairy godmother to make everything around you taste like candy rainbows and unicorns. WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN TO ME.

You are a seductress and I am your slave. But I will rebel and REFUSE to buy you. I will be so rebellious and buy your SISTER. That's right, your SISTER and do it RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU because you deserve it. Oh yes. She's the darker version of you, and cheaper. Maybe it's classless because when I'm with her, I'll be thinking of you, but know this: I refuse to give in. I am stonger then that.

But you know you want me too. Why deny it? I have everything waiting for you. I'm even half asian, if you want to be lolita about it! Squint your lace / crinoline eyes enough and you can see, I'm everything you need! Ignoring the really flinch inducing cheezyness of that last line I AM TOTALLY SERIOUS! I can be girly with you, go on cutesy dates for tea and scones in pretty blouses and then fulfill your darkest dreams with my black hardware heels and a fierce corset (or three).

Come on. You. Me. I am your perfect woman! I'll treat you right, always. The purple glittery sparkly princess in me needs you, bb. Make that $88 into a $28 and I. am. yours.

I'll be waiting....

xoxo b.

15 comments:

gnarlitude jen said...

Ok seriously, I see these things allllll the time, I even bought one and dyed it black. Next time I see a purple one I will pick it up for you immediately. I did quite enjoy you love letter to it though! ha ha

Farren said...

lol. this made me laugh. and sigh at the same time. i know the feeling. i feel your pain. i've written love leters like that in my head over numerous bags, sandals, and dresses. =/

Ben said...

Why do you have a blog again? You should wear that with your hooker hose and that camera whore's dress, btw, I'm jewish camera whore ; ). And belle, no matter how much you try to convince that skirt to lower it's price, it won't, you know why...IT'S A SKIRT! Maybe try offering the owner a night with Garcia and Esmirelda?

Amelia said...

That's gorgeous. I can imagine so many ways you could wear it and I love your commentary.

tuntra said...

<3

that skirt is amazing

and you are too funny

Awesome Lolita Crinoline Skirt said...

YOU SHALL NEVER HAVE ME GREEDY BITCH MUAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHA!!!!!

makemoremistakes said...

HAHAHA you crack me up. sorry I have not responded to your comment, I would ADORE crashing your blogger meetup in this lovely city, tell me detaiiiiils! you can email em to me if you wanna. and yet again i love this ben's comment.

xo
angela

WendyB said...

Purple crinoline! How divine.

Anonymous said...

i dont see how "lolita" at all fits with the statement you used it with

Arabelle said...

the skirt reminds me of japanese lolita style.

elizabeth said...

arabelle

go to st mark's! there are at least 3 stores that carry those sorts of skirtzzzzzz

they usually have those crinolines tutus at cheap jack's on st mark's, not sure about lavender, but def in red and pink and black. i almost bought one when i was the blind melon bee girl for halloween.

they are like, 20-30 bones, i'm pretty sure

x

Ben said...

the wimpy anonymous guy is referring to that comment I left as the skirt. IT FITS BECAUSE IT"S LOLITA STYLE GET A JOB AND A NAME ANONYMOUS BIOTCH.

Stephanie said...

I love all your love letters, I would totally do the same except I'm not romantic so any letter I would write to that (fucking amazing) skirt would probably be something along the lines of, "$80 something dollars? Go fuck yourself." Hmm but an ex-bf DID write me a pretty horrendous love poem so maybe I will show it to you in NYC?

FASH10NiSTA said...

wow.. this is how i feel all the time. it's funny. someone having thoughts that i have from time to time.
... and that skirt. ahhhmazing.

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